3G Apple iPhone Short Cut, Auckland, New Zealand, David Lim

Iphone3gidea_3 The iPhone has many hidden (or, at least, not so obvious) shortcuts that can make the iPhone much easier and faster to use. For example, as noted in my last post, the latest iPhone software update adds the feature to press the Home button to return to the first page of your Home screen. Here are some other shortcuts that I use all the time. [UPDATE: Click here for a more recent post with even more shortcuts.]

1. Comma shortcut. When you are typing and want to quickly add a comma, press and hold the 123 button and then without lifting your finger, slide your finger over to the comma and then release. After doing so you will have a comma and will be back in the letter mode and can keep typing your sentence. You can also use this trick to get a period, although if you are at the end of a sentence the faster way to get a period is to tap the space bar twice. In fact, the hold 123 and slide method can be used for any symbol, such as the question mark or the parenthesis, although it is a little easier for those keys closer to the 123 key.

2. Scroll to top. In Safari and many other applications, you can very quickly scroll back up to the top of the screen by taping on the status bar at the top of the screen (where the time is displayed). This is useful not only because you can start reading the top of a page, but also because many applications put useful fields at the top of the page, such as the address and search field in Safari or the search field in Contacts.
3. Domain resolution. When you are typing an address in Safari, you don't need to type the "www." part or the ".com" part. For example, if you go to the URL field and just type iphonejd Safari will automatically change it to www.iphonejd.com and take you to this website.

4. Reset. If something seems to be wrong with your iPhone, you can reset it to start fresh. To do so, hold down both the Home button and the sleep/wake button (the one at the top) for about 10 seconds. You can also force quit just a specific application that you are using by holding down the Home button for about 6 seconds or so.

5. Hold on. When you are using the keyboard, you can often hold down a key for a few seconds to see more options. For example, when you are in Safari and typing a URL, the .com button at the bottom allows you to easily enter .com, but if you hold down the .com button for about two seconds you will see other options pop up (.org, .edu, .net, etc.). Or if you are typing an e-mail and you want to add an accent to a letter you can just hold down the letter for two seconds. Hold down the E key for a few seconds and you can enter an é. If you are typing an e-mail address in the TO field of an e-mail, you can hold down the period for two seconds to see a pop up menu that lets you quickly add .com, .org, .net, .edu, etc.

6. Swipe to delete. The fastest way to delete a single e-mail when you are looking at a list of e-mails is to swipe your finger from left to right across the e-mail, as if you are crossing out an item on a list. That will cause a red Delete button to appear so that you can confirm that you want to delete. If you want to delete a bunch of messages, then the fastest way is to tap the Edit button and tap the circles next to the left of each e-mail you want to delete and then tap the Delete button.

7. Tap the bottom corner. As noted above, you can now quickly get back to your first Home screen by pressing the Home button. Most people switch between screens by swiping across the screen to the left or the right. Another way to do it, one that sometimes feels faster, is to tap once near the corner, just to the left or the right of the row of dots that indicate which screen you are on.

8. Contractions. When you are typing an e-mail, the iPhone suggests some contractions automatically. Type cant and the iPhone will suggest can't. (And of course, to accept a suggestion you just tap the space bar; to reject a suggestion you tap the x next to the suggested word.) But if you type well the iPhone normally won't suggest we'll because, well, well is a word. But for we'll and many other words, if you type the last letter an extra time, the iPhone will then suggest the contraction for you. Type welll and the iPhone will suggest we'll. Type weree and the iPhone will suggest we're. In the past, I used the trick with I'll and it's, but now I find that when I type ill and its the iPhone automatically suggests the contraction without needing to add an extra key. This happens because the iPhone learns your words as you type and adds them to the custom dictionary -- which, by the way, you can always reset if necessary by going to Settings --> General --> Reset --> Reset Keyboard Dictionary.

9. Get a 3G signal. Sometimes I see that blue E at the top telling me that my iPhone is using the slow Edge network when I know that I am in an area that has 3G. A quick way to get your iPhone to lock in on a 3G signal is to turn on airplane mode for just a second and then turn airplane mode off. Airplane mode is the first option when you tap Settings.
10. I'm sorry, your Honor! We all know to flip the switch and put your iPhone in vibrate mode when you are in court, a deposition, etc., right? But what if you forget and need to QUICKLY stop your iPhone from ringing before you get sanctioned? Press the sleep/hold button at the top of your iPhone once and it will silence the ringer. Press that button twice and it will both silence the ringer and send the call to voicemail -- and hopefully you already had the New Voicemail alert sound turned off. (Settings --> Sounds --> New Voicemail).

Hopefully some of these are new to you, and I would love to hear about your favorite tips and tricks.

Wierd News: Tight Squeeze

A woman squeezes herself into a transparent suitcase to raise awareness about human trafficking and mark the 60th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights at an airport in Munich, Germany, on Dec. 11. The sticker on the left reads: "Stop Human Trafficking! 60 Years of Human Rights." Note: Viewership of this blog is 5,887 as of 8:56PM, 12-Dec-2008

Worst Business Jargon Phrases (Auckland, New Zealand, "David Lim")

Worst business jargon phrases, according to a British survey. (Use them as much as you can today!)

1. Thinking outside of the box.
2. Touch base.
3. At the end of the day.
4. Going forward.
5. All of it.
6. Blue sky thinking.
7. Out of the box.
8. Credit crunch.
9. Heads up.
10. Singing from the same hymn sheet.
11. Pro-active.
12. Downsizing.
13. Ducks in a row.
14. Brainstorming.
15. Thought shower.
16. 360-degree thinking.
17. Flag it up.
18. Pushing the envelope.
19. At this moment in time.
20. In the loop.

(Source: Telegraph.co.uk)

Largest Christmas Tree in New Zealand to be lighted up! 2008, Xmas, Monavie

TVNZ, 08-Dec-2008, Auckland, New Zealand--Hamilton's night sky is sparkling as its giant Christmas tree is switched on.

The tree took over 10 days to be assembled.

It's believed to be the largest artificial tree in the country, standing at 25 metres and boasting 130,000 lights and 4000 baubles.

The tree cost $170,000, with the money being raised by the community and local businesses.

Note: Viewership of this blog is 5,761 as of 11:33PM, 08-Dec-2008

Hercules: The World's Biggest Dog Ever According to Guinness World Record

Hercules: The World's Biggest Dog Ever According to Guinness World Records. Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of World's Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff who has a 38-inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.  With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard 200lb. limit. Hercules' owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal food and he just "grew" and grew....

The Fastest Turtle in the World: The Leatherback (Dermochelys coriacea)

Have you ever think of what is fastest turtle species? The Leatherback (Dermochelys coriacea) is the largest of all living turtles. This is the only living species of the genus Dermochelys. As a sea turtle, the leatherback turtle is the largest and heaviest. It can easily be differentiated from other modern sea turtles by the absence of a reservoir bone. Instead, the shell of the leatherback turtle is covered by skin and turtle meat fat. Dermochelys coriacea is the only existing member of the family Dermochelyidae. They are also the fastest reptile on record. The 1992 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records has the leatherback turtle as having reached a speed of 9.8 meters per second (35.28 kph or 21.9 mph) in water. Source: Wikipedia

If the Shoe Fits . . ."Just Do it", Nike, Urban Legeng, Folklore

Claim: The Samburu tribesman appearing in a Nike commercial was supposed to say the equivalent of "Just Do It" in his native language, but he said something entirely different instead.
Status: True.

Origins: Everyone loves a good tale of corporate mayhem. Here's a short version of this 1989 news story:
Nike has a television commercial for hiking shoes that was shot in Kenya using Samburu tribesmen.

The camera closes in on the one tribesman who speaks, in native Maa. As he speaks, the Nike slogan "Just do it" appears on the screen.

Lee Cronk, an anthropologist at the University of Cincinnati, says the Kenyan is really saying, "I don't want these. Give me big shoes."

Says Nike's Elizabeth Dolan, "We thought nobody in America would know what he said."
Business blunders delight us in that we like to see the powerful with a bit of egg on their faces. The facts of this story aren't in dispute — there was such a commercial, it was shot in Kenya, and over a subtitle of "Just Do It" the tribesman said "I don't want these. Give me big shoes" in his native Maa. But why did this happen? And was Nike aware of what the man was really saying, or had they been caught flatfooted?

Nike's explanations were contradictory:
Nike spokeswoman Liz Dolan said Cronk is correct. "We knew what he was saying," Dolan said. "It was our line."

She said Nike originally intended to have the commercial end with a joke line in which the tribesman complained that Nike sent him the wrong size. But the editors decided the simple Nike slogan worked better. "It was so lovely and beautiful, we dropped the joke," she said.

Dolan also said the tribesman repeated a phrase that is the Maa equivalent of "Just do it," but the video of the other phrase worked better. "The Maa version of 'Just Do it' was too lengthy" for a 30-second spot, she said.
and Nike contends that an earlier script called for the tribesman's ironic comment, but the company decided in the end to stick with its slogan in the subtitle. So far so good — at this point it sounds like Nike changed the script at the last second, that they knew what the fellow was saying but went with it anyway because this particular string of Maa sounded better to North American ears than an accurate one would have. Bit brainless of them not to realize that someone in the viewing audience was bound to know enough Maa to get the joke, but still a far cry from unintentionally ending up the goat in this story.

Another explanation was surfacing, however:
An embarrassed Nike spokesman admits the film crew had to improvise after having difficulty in obtaining a Maa version of the slogan. "We never really knew what the tribesmen were saying," concedes director Hannah Hempstead.
All spin doctoring attempts aside, I'm inclined to believe the director. Adding to her credibility is this snippet from a 1990 magazine article:
The Samburu tribe was Hempstead's cast for the :30 Nike spot. The Samburu speak the Mah language, and the crew's translator spoke Swahili. This caused a minor communication glitch that was partially remedied by pointing to pictures in a book on the Masai tribe to show the cast what was needed on film.

True or not, tales of inappropriate foreign phrases sneaked into films have been around for many years, as evidenced by this anecdote from the pen of M*A*S*H star Jamie Farr:
I remembered one Saturday night back at the Rivoli in Toledo. Everyone in the neighborhood (including most of the Arab-American community in Toledo) had turned out to see "Sirocco" with Humphrey Bogart [1951], set somewhere in North Africa. There was one scene in a crowded bazaar. As Bogart passed through, and the scene began to fade, one Arab voice rang out, "Ya hallah deen bayak!" That almost brought the house down. "What?" The non-Arabs in the house wanted to know: "What is everybody laughing about?" My buddy, Gregory Morris, decided he would translate . . . "That means, 'Goddamn your father.'"

Okay, so what's the international sign for "Just do it"?

The art of the toilet in Japan

Smart young women at Panasonic show off the latest waresDuncan Bartlett discovers how, when it comes to lavatories, Japan is a step ahead of the rest of the world.
No country takes toilets quite so seriously as Japan.

Machines with heated seats, built-in bidets and a dynamic range of flushing options are almost ubiquitous in homes and public buildings.

A poem recently published by a stressed-out salary man captured their comforting appeal with haiku-like brevity. "The only warmth in my life is the toilet seat," he mourned.
But lavatories here can do much more than keep you warm. One even sends a tiny electrical charge through the user's buttocks to check their body-fat ratio. The master of the modern convenience is the Panasonic Corporation.

Booming market

At its Tokyo showroom, located in a skyscraper near the BBC's office, a group of smart young women, dressed in uniforms resembling flight attendants, showed me the company's latest wares.
The lids lifted up when I approached. If I stood in front of one, it took a guess at my gender and lifted up the seat as well.

There was a loo that glowed in the dark and another that had built-in loudspeakers.
With manicured fingernails, the demonstrator pushed the control panel beside the seat and gentle light classical music began to play. Pleasant enough, I thought, although I preferred a pastoral sound effect that provided the impression one was seated upon a white plastic throne surrounded by songbirds in a springtime meadow.

Japanese people do not see cleaning as a demeaning or shameful jobKyoko Ishii, who heads up the public relations department for Panasonic, explained to me that most of the people who choose luxury loos are older women, so this is a booming market in rapidly ageing Japan.
Kyoko says that for this core customer group, the emphasis now is less on the gadgetry and more on convenience and cleanliness. A new flush has been invented which does away with the need for a tank and saves dramatically on water.

The device costs about £1,950 ($3,000) including installation. But it is not easy to sell outside Japan as bathrooms in other countries are rarely fitted with the right mixture of sophisticated plumbing and electronics.

Clean culture

A visitor to Tokyo recently told me that he was surprised to find Japanese women rather than foreigners cleaning the toilets in his hotel.

Advertisements for toilets are screened on public transportIt is of course often immigrants who take on such jobs in rich countries. But foreign-born workers are rare here as only about 1.5% of the population are made up of non-native Japanese.

However, the low immigration level is only part of the explanation. Japanese people do not see cleaning as a demeaning or shameful job. School children are trained from a young age to sweep their classrooms and scour the playground for litter. Lorry drivers wash their trucks at the end of every day. No restaurant ever serves a meal without first offering the customer a cleansing towel.
Recently, I visited a small technology company in Osaka. The president, Mr Sugimoto, is trying to inspire his staff to work harder as recession takes hold.

The Japanese - like the British - do not seem to mind too much when comedians sink into vulgarity and joke about scatological matters He is noted for his drive and enthusiasm and that came across in a punchy presentation which he showed me on his laptop.

It included photographs of his staff on their knees scrubbing the urinals. His point was that in preparation for a new project, the whole team had mucked in to clean up the workplace and this was clearly a source of pride to be included in the company's publicity.

Source of comfort

But toilets can raise a smile, too. Television comedies sometimes include scenes of pranksters luring people into loos whose walls then collapse, and the embarrassment this causes the victim is a source of great hilarity.

The toilet then appeared to give a welcoming robotic smile and its seat began to glow an inviting orange colour as it heated up, ready for action The Japanese - like the British - do not seem to mind too much when comedians sink into vulgarity and joke about scatological matters. But there is also a dark underground trade in DVDs filmed in ladies' toilets by hidden cameras, and only last week a man was arrested for placing "spycams" in the lavatories of a girls' school. Most of the time, though, the Japanese are happy to think of a toilet as their comfort and their friend.

The other day, while catching a commuter train to work, I found myself transfixed by an advertisement which was being screened on a TV inside the carriage.

A young girl slowly walked towards a loo, which automatically raised its lid to greet her.
The toilet then appeared to give a welcoming robotic smile and its seat began to glow an inviting orange colour as it heated up, ready for action. Fortunately, the advertisement ended there. But not before a broad and appreciative smile broke out across the face of the girl.

Seeking a passport to a new life (China, Chinese, Passport, Citizenship, Migration)

By Jennifer Pak BBC News, Beijing

Many Chinese people were outraged by Gong Li's decision
One of China's most famous actresses has been accused of being unpatriotic after becoming a Singaporean citizen.

Some say Gong Li, star of the film Memoirs of a Geisha, has turned her back on her Chinese fans.
But the actress is not the only Chinese citizen to seek another country's passport.
They do it for convenience, to improve job prospects and as a safety net.
Despite China's increasing economic and political power, a Chinese passport is still seen as restrictive by many of its citizens.

Gong Li, whose husband is from Singapore, is just one of many film stars who have given up their Chinese passport.

According to news reports, Hong Kong film star Jet Li holds US citizenship. And Zhang Ziyi, the star of kung fu movie Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, holds a Hong Kong residency card.

Gong Li's passport switch led to a commentary in the Beijing Youth Daily newspaper.
"We should think about why our laws, our system and cultural society have churned out so many of these so-called 'super citizens', people who live in China but their hearts are set on being a citizen in another country," it said.

'Still Chinese'

Kong Ting, who was born in China but is now a US citizen, is not surprised that Gong Li switched to a Singaporean passport.

I feel safer when I come back to China and I say certain things that the Chinese government doesn't like Kong Ting"A lot of times when Chinese do things it's for practical reasons, to make life easier and for more financial gain," she said Ms Kong, 36, has lived in the US for 15 years, and became an American citizen two years ago to make travelling to other countries easier. "I don't think getting a US citizenship makes me feel any less Chinese," she said.

With the exception of a few dozen south-east Asian and African countries, Chinese passport holders need to apply for visas in advance to go abroad which are sometimes difficult to get.
Most ordinary Chinese can only go abroad by joining tour groups, sometimes at very high costs.
Some tour companies reportedly charge up to 50,000 yuan ($7,300:£4,880) as a deposit to go to Japan.

This acts as a deterrent for people who are thinking of not returning to China after the trip.
Another reason Ms Kong wanted an American passport was for security reasons.
"Maybe I feel safer when I come back to China and I say certain things that the Chinese government doesn't like," she said. "They can't really hold it against me."

Tax reasons

Wu Hao, from Sichuan Province, has studied and worked in the US, and soon hopes to get his hands on a US passport.

A new passport can bring new freedoms for former Chinese citizensHe said as a student, getting a US passport was the ultimate goal in life.

"For my generation and older, we wanted a foreign passport so bad," said the 36-year-old.
"We grew up in an environment when China was not secure, when things changed so fast in China. Everyone just wanted to get out as soon as we could back in those days," he said.
Mr Wu moved back to China four years ago.

He will be eligible for an American passport in a few years time, but a small part of him hesitates about trading in his Chinese passport.

"I wonder if I really want to abandon my Chinese identity. I don't know," he added.
Mr Wu said many of his friends are much more practical about citizenship.
"I have a friend who recently gave up his American green card status in order not to pay US tax," said Mr Wu.

"A lot of Chinese friends I know who make a decent or relatively high salary in China, they're considering alternatives, trying to evade tax," he said.

Mr Wu said people who were outraged by Gong Li's switch to Singaporean citizenship are blowing it out of proportion. "If they got the chance [to get a foreign passport] they would immediately jump on it."

The Odd Truth: Stupid Criminal Hall of Shame

Clement Vallandigham was a well-known Northern Democrat who campaigned for states' rights during the Civil War. In 1863 Vallandigham was convicted of treason for his speeches attacking the administration of President Lincoln. He was banished to the South, where he continued to voice his political views.

After the war, Vallandingham became a lawyer. In his last appearance in the courtroom, he represented a client on trial for murder. The accused man's defense was that the victim had drawn his own gun in a fashion that caused it to fire, killing himself. To prove the defense argument, Vallandigham demonstrated the victim's method of drawing a gun--using the loaded evidence gun as his prop. The firearm went off, and he lost his life--but proved his case.

(December 1997, Pennsylvania) A prisoner in the new Allegheny County Jail in Pittsburgh attempted to evade his punishment by engineering an escape from his confinement. Jerome constructed a hundred-foot rope of bedsheets, broke through a supposedly shatter-proof cell window, began to climb to freedom down his makeshift ladder.

It is not known whether his plan took into account the curiosity of drivers on the busy street and Liberty Bridge below. It certainly did not take into account the sharp edges of the glass, the worn nature of the bedsheet, nor the great distance to the pavement. The bottom of the knotted bedsheet was 86 feet short of the ground. But our hero did not reach the end of the rope. The window pane sliced through the weak cloth and dropped him to his untidy demise 150 feet below.

But wait there's more!

(3 November 1998) Apparently the prison rumor of the previous death did not reach a prisoner who was awating transfer to federal penitentary one year later. He tied eight bedsheets together and rappelled from his seventh-floor window, only to find the rope fell 25 feet short of the ground. Luckier than Jerome, he merely fractured his ankle and scraped his face.

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

A man was arrested for stealing a car. When he was taken to court for his arraignment the judge asked, how do you plead? Instead of saying guilty or not guilty the man said: "Before we go any further, judge, let me explain why I stole the car." The judge ruled in record time.

After drinking a little too much, Stewart Butcher went to sleep on a West Virginia railroad track. A while later, something woke him-- a 15 car coal train. "I raised up," said Stewart, "and it knocked me out..."

An Australian man accused of murdering his wife can't seem to get his story straight. June Mathew, John Rushton's second wife, testified that Rushton told her his first wife died of a heart attack, ran off with a Baptist minister after committing 55 acts of adultery, and drowned after being washed overboard. Rushton also claimed he was a nuclear physicist, a naval commander, and had been knighted for saving the Queen's life. Mathew, who was married to Rushton for five years, believed him because he was a "good talker..." but those pesky microtremors finally gave him away...

An unidentified man in Buenos Aires pushed his wife out of an eighth-floor window but his plan to kill her failed when she became entangled in some power cables below. Seeing she was still alive, the man jumped and tried to land on top of her. He missed...

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Baggy clothes may save your life: a 13-year-old boy in Belgrade, Yugoslavia fell 130 feet from his hi-rise apartment and survived with only minor injuries. Witnesses said Daniel Gurgus' baggy sweater caught tree branches on the way down... remember, kids, just say no to Spandex...

Burglars in Larch Barrens, Md., tried to cut through a safe using a Laser Tag gun.

Carlos Diaz of New York got 18 years to life for committing a series of robberies by pretending a zucchini hidden under his jacket was a gun...

England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

Germany: Oil of Olay no longer turning the trick for her, a woman decided that she would bathe in the milk of a camel (a modern-day Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the local zoo (where *else* can you find a camel when you need one?) and transported it back to her house--where she realized that the camel's name was "Otto." (Editor's Note 2: She might not have gotten much milk from Otto, but she probably made a friend for life while trying to ...)

(11 March 2003, Spain) Early one morning, police received a call. Three robbers had invaded a Madrid brothel! Officers surrounded the building, and used a bullhorn to coax the offenders from the premises.

The robbers were understandably frightened to be surrounded by dozens of policemen. But Instead of surrendering, they decided to go out in a blaze of glory, and fled the building while shooting at everything in sight. The policemen ducked, covered, and shot back. Two running robbers were fatally injured, and the third was wounded.

Why was the gunfight over so quickly? The three robbers were carrying REAL guns loaded with FAKE ammunition. They were firing blanks, making enough flash and thunder to fool the police into shooting back, but not enough to actually help them escape. (From Darwinawards.com)

(28 July 2007, Czech Republic) A pack of thieves attempted to steal scrap metal from an abandoned factory in Kladno. Unfortunately for them, they selected the steel girders that supported the factory roof. When the roof supports were dismantled, the roof fell, fatally crushing two thieves and injuring three others. (From Darwinawards.com)

(21 June 2007, Philippines) Three entrepreneurs planned to profit from stolen scrap metal. They entered a former US military complex and approached the prize: an abandoned water tank. Bedazzled by the potential upside, the three threw logic to the wind, and began to cut the metal legs out from under the tank. Guess where it fell? Straight onto the thieves. Their flattened bodies have not yet been identified. (From Darwinawards.com)

Missouri- A Kansas City police officer was in a bar called The Flamingo, looking forward to a musical performance by his friends. He had only just arrived when a man ran into the bar and announced that he'd been robbed in the parking lot, as had a second man!

The officer elicited the details of the crime, called for backup, and ran outside, assuming the villian would be long gone. To his surprise, the suspect was still sitting in the pickup truck he had recently car-jacked. The officer approached the man with his gun and his shield drawn for identification.

It turned out that the suspect, Torin, had stolen a vehicle with a manual transmission, but he was unable to drive a stick shift. When he saw the officer, he tried to flee, but had trouble putting the truck into reverse. Only the sound of grinding gears disturbed the quiet night, until the officer hauled the incompetent criminal from the immobile car.

At that point, Torin challenged the officer to a gun fight -- and was quickly dispatched by the startled officer. A check of the perpetrator's gun revealed it was fully loaded, except for the most important round -- the one in the chamber.

There are two morals to this story: if you steal a car, learn how to drive a stick shift FIRST; and if you challenge a police officer to a duel, make sure to load your weapon. (From Darwinawards.com)

Chicago: A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window...the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there.

Portsmouth, RI: Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he: 1. fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and 2. later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.

When Stan Caddell wanted to wash his Chevrolet, he backed the car into a foot of water in the Mississippi River at Hannibal, Missouri. When he got out to clean the car, it floated away. Police were able to retrieve the vehicle some distance downstream. According to an officer on the scene, no action would be taken against the driver because "you can't ticket a guy for being stupid..."

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Washington D.C.: A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

Radnor, Pennsylvania: Police interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Ionia, Michigan: When two service station attendants refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

Seattle Washington: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Bumpus, Tenn., A bank robber handed a teller the following note: "Watch out. This is a rubbery. I hav an oozy traned on your but. Dump the in a sack, this one. No die packkets or other triks or I will tare you a new naval. No kwarter with red stuff on them, too." Dr. Creon V.B. Smyk of the Ohio Valley Educational Council says such notes are, lamentably, the rule. "Right across the board, we see poor pre-writing skills, problems with omissions, tense, agreement, spelling and clarity," he moaned. Smyk believes that the quality of robbery notes could be improved if criminals could be taught to plan before writing. "We have to stress organization: Make an outline of your robbery note before you write it," he said. "Some of the notes get totally sidetracked on issues like the make, model and caliber of the gun, number of bullets, etc., until one loses sight of the main idea -- the robbery."

Michigan: Two robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.

Newark, NJ: An off duty police officer had a pistol-shaped cigarette lighter, which he had been using all night while drinking at a local tavern. After many hours and drinks, he apparently mistook his 32 revolver for the lighter. When he went to light his cigarette, he shot and killed John Fazzola, who was seated 5 stools away at the bar...

In Bent Forks, Ill., kidnapers of ice-cube magnate Worth Bohnke sent a photograph of their captive to Bohnke's family. Bohnke was seen holding up a newspaper. It was not that day's edition and, in fact, bore a prominent headline relating to Nixon's trip to China. This was pointed out to the kidnapers in a subsequent phone call. They responded by sending a new photograph showing an up-to-date newspaper. Bohnke, however, did not appear in the picture. When this, too, was refused, the kidnapers became peevish and insisted that a photograph be sent to them showing all the people over at Bohnke's house holding different issues of _Success_ magazine. They provided a mailing address and were immediately apprehended. They later admitted to FBI agents they did not understand the principle involved in the photograph/newspaper concept. "We thought it was just some kind of tradition," said one. Educators agree that such mix-ups point to poor reasoning and comprehension skills, ignorance of current events, and failure to complete work in the time allotted.