University of Chicago, Ill., economist John Lott studied crime statistics in states that have “relaxed” laws about carrying guns. He found that the crime rates in “right to carry” states went down, sometimes way down, after passing legislation allowing responsible adults to carry guns. Murders fell an average of 8 percent, rapes 5 percent and aggravated assaults 7 percent, while at the same time in the U.S. as a whole murders went up 24 percent, rapes went up 71 percent, and assaults went up more than 100 percent. And in those states, the death rate in mass public shootings — such as a crazed gunman opening fire in a crowded restaurant — dropped 69 percent, while deaths from accidental shootings increased by only about one per year. Hardly a gun freak, Lott has never been a member of the National Rifle Association and didn’t even own a gun when he started his study. But once he saw how clearly the statistics were turning out, he bought one. (Time) ...“An armed society is a polite society." —Robert A. Heinlein (1907-1988), American writer.
Newspeak
Vice President Al Gore called a press conference to give an award to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. He presented the first Plain Language (“No Gobbledygook”) Award to OSHA for rewriting a rule relating to “dipping tanks”. The rule previously took two paragraphs totaling 79 words and cited 15 examples. The new award-winning language took seven paragraphs totaling 61 words, and included no examples. (Reuters)
Stick to Gambling
Charles Hales said he went to the restroom at the Silver Star Casino in Philadelphia, Pa., three years ago. Somehow, he got stuck to the toilet seat. Casino security had to bring him to a back room to pry the seat off. That was too much for Hales. “Walking down the aisle with a security guard and waddling like a duck was a little more than I could handle,” he says, so he has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against the casino, claiming that the seat must have been smeared with glue. The casino says no glue was found on the seat, and they provided paper seat covers in any case. (AP)
Artistic Salesman Wanted
A survey by Redbook magazine discovered “who makes the best husband by profession.” The winners are artists, truck drivers and mechanics. Worst were doctors and computer specialists. Artists got a 100 percent score for “taking their time” at foreplay, with 13 percent even taking too much time. However, with quality, quantity suffers: 40 percent of the artists manage to perform only once per week, while salesmen are tops, averaging sex once per day. But there’s that quality versus quantity problem: 25 percent of salesmen’s wives say “it’s over in a flash.” (Reuters)
Nine out of Ten Would be Adequate
Researchers at Alabama’s Auburn University say they have determined what men want in the “ideal woman”: she is sexually inexperienced but likes sex, has a career but is a full-time homemaker, has a slim build, is athletic, and has pretty eyes, dark hair, good complexion and a firm butt. Large breasts are nice, but not all that important. The study’s lead author, Erica Gannon, says the specifications are similar to what is found in the Bible. “Our participants, whether knowingly or unknowingly, espouse a view of the ideal woman that is very similar to the views held by individuals thousands of years ago.” However, she adds, “It’s hard to be this woman.” (UPI) ...About as hard as being the ideal man: strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive, has a great career yet helps clean the house and raise the children, in control yet cries, and a sex expert who’s only been with one woman.
Suicide is Painless
When Douglas Alan Smith, 34, was convicted of murder in Arizona, he ordered his lawyer to seek the death penalty for him, saying he would rather die than spend the rest of his life in prison. “It took me a long time to get OK with it,” said his lawyer, Jamie McAlister. But she realized there was something worse than the death penalty: “What I hate more is to see someone strip people of their right to make their own decisions.” However, the Phoenix, Ariz., murderer was denied his wish and instead sentenced to 62 years in prison. McAlister will appeal the sentence and insist that her client be put to death. (AP)
Position Available, Some Experience Preferred
British au pair Louise Woodward, who was convicted of manslaughter in the death of an American infant in her charge, says that she has received 50 marriage proposals, mostly sent in letters, since returning to England. “You always get people who see a picture or your face on TV and fall in love with it,” she told reporters. “They tend to keep my photograph by their bed.” The former nanny says none of the letters were “scary” even though some came from “loonies”. Rather, “I’ve got lots of friends out there,” she said. (AP)
Join the Navy, See the World
A lot of people seem to want to join the British Royal Navy. However, “we are getting young people who are very bad swimmers or in some cases can’t swim at all,” says Capt. Chris Tuffley, the Navy’s director of physical training. “Some are literally scared of the water.” The Navy told the government of the problem, and recommended better swimming facilities in schools. But the Education Department has rejected the suggestion: it says that standards are already in place which require all 11-year-olds be able to swim 25 meters. (Reuters)
Oral Contracts aren’t Worth the Paper they’re Written On
Peter Wallis, 36, says he and his ex-girlfriend had an “oral contract” that she would take birth control pills. However, he says, she intentionally stopped taking them and became pregnant. So the Santa Fe, N.M., man is suing Kellie Smith, 37, charging fraud, breach of contract, and conversion of property — his sperm. Smith’s lawyer has asked the judge to dismiss the lawsuit on the grounds that it is “ridiculous”. (Reuters)
When We Ask, Please Tell
While the U.S. military is still drumming out any homosexuals it finds in its ranks, the Dutch air force is actively recruiting them. “There are more exciting places on earth than the dark room,” promises the caption under a photo of a F16 fighter plane in an ad in GAY Krant, a leading gay magazine in Holland. The “dark room” refers to back rooms in gay bars where men meet. (Reuters)
Dream Job
Rock Hall, Md., Police Chief Kevin Winstead told one of his officers about a dream he had about watching a building burn down. When the story reached the town council, they took it as a “veiled threat” and fired him. Winstead is now suing the town over his firing and damaged reputation. (AP)
Equal Opportunity
Police in London, England, have reportedly “rescued” a man who says he was forced by “two stunning blondes” to take Viagra. The women, he said, then chained him to a bed in a hotel and raped him. He was found the next morning still in chains, and a sign reading “Viagra Rape Squad Strikes Again” posted on his door. However, police noted, the man did not press criminal charges against the women. (AFP)
Proof of Concept
Kevin Sean Rowe, 34, thought it would be fun to squish a quarter on the tracks of an oncoming train. The Fort Lauderdale, Fla., writer walked onto the tracks, put the coin down and waited for the southbound train to run it over. “I was very much aware of the first train,” he said. “I was utterly oblivious to the second one.” Rowe was standing on the northbound track, his back to another train coming the other way. The collision left him with a fractured skull, broken ribs and a collapsed lung, but he will recover. (Reuters)
